am i a black man?

"you're a white-black guy."

this all started awhile ago. someone told me that. at first i blow it off because i didn't know the person that well. months later when they brought it up again, i got deeply offened. and after some time to think about this i have questions and have been thrown in a loop.

i have never considered myself black. it may be from where i grow up... or from how my parents raised me... or my lack of cultural awareness. whatever the reason my heiritage has never been a huge part of my life. mostly because my heiritage has been a mystery to myself. as an africian american, there is a lot that i do not know about myself and from where i come from. i have hard feelings about this... espically when others bring up their own heiritage. just because i don't understand these things, does that mean i should turn my back on my community? in so few words... yes. but what is my community? the niggers on the corner selling dope to their own people, keeping ourselves where we are trying so hard to get away from? the view that mainstream rap gives to us... that we need to carry around guns, sell drugs or being great at sports to succeed? the people walking around in "african" clothes representing something they have little to no knowledge about? i refuse.

i am a black man... yet i am so much more than that. just because my parents had and i did not grow up struggling, i am viewed as a less than that by most other blacks and whites. i am viewed as an "uncle tom" or a "white-black man." who are you to judge me when you know nothing about me? i hate you. but i know i will be nothing more to you no matter what i achieve in my life.

i am not a intelligent man, nor have i ever claimed to be. but i know me, i know who i am. i do not considered myself black or white. i do not consider myself rich nor poor. i am ethan. if you dont understand that then i do not care for you or about you. i have a lot of hatered in my mind, i have a lot of sorrow in my soul and i have a lot of love in my heart. no one truly knows what i have been through, nor do i want you to. people are always ask me how i'm doing... my usual response is content. life is life. there is nothing i can do about anything. one day i will die. and when you're standing over my casket will you view me as a black man beaten down by "societies plague on our culture," as a black man who turned his back on our culture and became "white", or as just ethan?

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”
Dr. Seuss.

this blog was brought to you by:
her...
and the movies:
Crash
Bambozzeled
American History X

here's some music for you to think about.

Dead Prez - Lets Get Free

Outkast(Andre 3000) - The Love Below

Mos Def - Black On Both Sides

Heiroglyphics - Full Circle

Rakim - The Master

Seu Jorge - The Life Aquatic Sessions